Uh oh! That’s me, that is …

(Written for my football club’s match-day programme – January 2019)

On our recent holiday, my wife and I met a very interesting lady. I’m not sure what her exact job-title is, but she is a ward manager in secure units. As such she has come face to face (or, more accurately, face to shoulder – she’s rather petite and definitely not the kind of person you’d imagine in that type of role) with some of the country’s most notorious killers.

She does all that ‘seeing inside the mind,’ stuff, and although I don’t think she is a criminal profiler per se, her experiences mean she has a good handle on people’s true personalities.

“So how would you categorize Cee Tee?” asked my wife.
“Warm hearted, friendly, determined and kind to animals,” I envisioned the reply, as I smugly quaffed my beer.
“Obsessive,” she said.

I was momentarily stunned, but before I could blurt my protestations, she explained.

(