Before I outline my main proposal for improving the local community, I should say that all in all, I’m very lucky to live where I do. Although the original village has expanded probably ten-fold in the thirty-seven years we’ve lived here, most residents seem genuinely pleased and proud of the area. And it does still retain that quaint, old-fashioned rural village community spirit, which is lovely.

Up to a point.

There is an unsavoury, and arguably slightly sinister undercurrent that should be addressed. We need to rid ourselves of The Mob.

Relax, boys. You can put away your pseudo-violin cases, kick off your spats and hang up your fedoras. You’re safe with me. I don’t mean ‘The Mob’ as in you mob, I mean The M.O.B. – The Morally Outraged Band.

You know, every community seems to have them these days – that group of people (I’ll refrain from being too specific) who wring their hands in angst, post their mostly petty, but angry ‘concerns’ on social media and expect all readers to agree with them. I don’t know, but it’s like they’re seeking justification to round up a lynch-mob and go miscreant- hunting.

These people are nowadays afforded a means of outraged expression that was not possible just twenty years ago; they are the type who would write to the BBC ‘Points of View’ and sign off as ‘Angry’ from Middlesborough, or wherever.

It’s all a bit extreme:

“Who owns this car (photo with their social media post) parked outside the school gate? Its back wheels are on a double yellow line! “

“Someone is letting off fireworks in the field and my cat is scared. This is disgusting behaviour!”

“The bin men were twenty minutes late this morning! I don’t pay my council tax for the bin men to be twenty minutes late!”

“There were too many school children in the village shop at lunchtime today. School lunches should be staggered. Such numbers only encourage mob behaviour!”

Aye, you said it …M.O.B. behaviour.

It’s tiresome; it’s pathetic; grow up, for goodness’ sake!

It’s certainly tempting to allow THE MOB to remain in the village, purely for the comedic value of many replies to their posts. However, my plan to improve my community would simply be to put them in a big rowing boat, give them a gentle push downstream and let them drift downriver to our neighboring village.

That’ll give ’em something to be mutually outraged about; something they’ll no doubt complain about on social media.

At least they’ll still be mutually happy.

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