I was asked how the opening sentence(s) of my autobiography would read.
(I added the ‘s’ 😉 )

“I say! Do have a care! That was a most un-neighbourly thwack, a stinging assault upon my person that I find, quite frankly, bewilderingly brusque. Good heavens, madam, we have barely been introduced! By what staggering leap of hubris do you feel entitled to wallop my posterior with such reckless abandon? I should very much like to know who, in the grand tapestry of human existence, you imagine yourself to be!”

“Congratulations, Mrs Jackson – it’s an author!”